One of the first pieces of advice I received when I started my career was – ‘your colleagues are not your friends’. As I sat through the section on workplace etiquette as a part of the campus to corporate program and was familiarized with the rules of harassment, I was left convinced that my colleagues needed to be kept at an arms distance and treated with respect but never as a close confidant. Yet years later when the roles reversed and I stood in front of new campus hires repeating the same instructions, I was surrounded by colleagues who knew more about my everyday life than my closest friends; colleagues who’d home I’d turn up at short notice or who’d bail me out of a difficult work situation. The paradox of advising caution to disbelieving new hires, and later asking them if they had a best friend at work via an engagement survey was not lost on me. Having spent over ten years in the workplace, I wish someone had told me the importance of having a close friend at work on my first day.
Loneliness is an endemic and not a pandemic. According to a 2022 global survey, about 33 percent of adults experienced feelings of loneliness worldwide and the numbers are increasing with every passing day. It is hard to make friends as an adult and the obvious place to find meaningful connections is where one spends most of their time i.e. the workplace. The American Time Use survey found that employed persons between the ages of 25 and 54 spend an average of 8.7 hours working or in work-related activities, and 7.7 hours sleeping. With the increasing focus on productivity and successful careers, the reality for many is that the workweek extends more than the standard 40 hours, and the average U.S. employee only takes about half (51%) of their eligible paid time off.
Per a 2022 Gallop research, having a best friend at work has a direct correlation to satisfaction with the organization, retention and the likelihood of recommending the workplace as a great place to work. A best friend at work, as the infamous Gallop Q12 asks, helps us feel connected to the workplace, less resistant to picking up someone else’s slack, find emotional support and more. A study of employees by U.K-based team-building company Wildgoose found that more than half (57%) of workers say that having a work best friend makes their work more enjoyable, while 22% argue that it makes them as, or more, productive.
I have often moved cities for work and can attest that there is a direct correlation and causation between workplace friendships and my success. My team members knew everything I was working on, my favourite food joints and all my quirks. They were also the people I had breakfast, coffee and lunch with every work day. It is true – the best predictor of higher well-being and engagement at work is not the work one does but who they do it with.
Gallop’s data also shows that having a “best friend” at work has become more important since the pandemic considering the dramatic increase in remote and hybrid work. When I moved in the middle of the pandemic, I experienced my highest levels of isolation till date; not because my social life wasn’t thriving but because building connections at work was at least 10 times harder. As i watched other teams invest in ‘fun’ activities, I wish mine did the same only so that I would have a chance to talk to colleagues about something other than work and maybe find a friend.
The best managers and organizations recognize this. The best team I’ve been a part of was close knit because the manager invested effort in making sure we turned up for lunch together, were invited to house parties and talked about life outside of work. When work turned virtual, Friday fun (even though you may cringe) became the rule.
Workplace friendships aren’t always accidental and can be intentional. Here are three things I hope every organization does to encourage people to find a good (if not best) friend at work:
- Increase face time: as simplistic as this sounds, the age-old adage that familiarity increases fondness, the mere-exposure effect, is true. Virtually or in-person, spending more time together is often a good way to build bonds. I have seen employees jump on a call and work together on their own tasks while staying connected virtually. My geographically dispersed team has also engaged similarly while attempting to tackle an urgent task. Of course, nothing beats enjoying meals together and the mere act of eating lunch or drinking coffee together a few times a week can have a disproportionate impact on friendships. Organizations and managers can intentionally inject moments of face time together to facilitate this and maybe, it is one of the many reasons organizations are bringing people back into the office. Nothing builds bonds like complaining over traveling to office over a cup of tea.
- Inject moments of no-work: While tackling crisis together builds strong bonds, the same can also be done via shared interests. Volunteering activities, team debates over veganism, or just solving crosswords together can help team members know more about their colleagues and strengthen the relationship. I am aware that ‘forced fun’ is not a popular concept but when done right, does achieve the intended outcome of fun and stronger bonds.
- Employ a Chief Friendship Officer: Lastly, replace your Chief Fun Officer with a Chief Friendship Officer. Turns out, fun will take care of itself when people find their best friend at work. Such an appointment would send a signal that friendship at the workplace is not only encouraged but prioritized. Maybe the CFO would inject a healthy dose of artificial crisis every now and then in order to strengthen weakening bonds; or sponsor more activities. Also, throw out the seminar preaching that colleagues are not friends.
I am well aware that friendship at the workplace comes with its share of controversy. Some might claim that friendship may undermine teamwork. A fair number of well-meaning friends have said that HR shouldn’t be friends with the teams they support or that managers can’t be friends with their team members. Others say that the friends at work aren’t real friends. In a 2018 study entitled Friends Without Benefits: Understanding the Dark Sides of Workplace Friendship, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business wrote that, “anyone who has endured the social complexities of a school cafeteria can attest that close and exclusive friendship groups can lead to perceptions of exclusion.”
Like everything else in life, it’s all about weighing the risks with the benefits and in this case, the verdict is clear: Go find a best friend at work and watch how work transforms into play.
The HR Business Partner Story 